Why many people criticize the infj man instead of supporting him and helping him?

INFJ men can sometimes feel criticized or misunderstood instead of supported, and this often stems from a few key reasons related to both their personality traits and societal expectations, particularly concerning masculinity. As an INFJ man, I can offer some insights into why this might happen:

1. Contradiction to Traditional Masculine Stereotypes:
   • Emotional Depth and Sensitivity: INFJs, regardless of gender, are highly empathetic, sensitive, and emotionally nuanced. For men, this can clash with traditional societal expectations of masculinity, which often emphasize stoicism, aggression, and a suppression of “soft” emotions. My depth of feeling might be misconstrued as weakness, oversensitivity, or even moodiness.
   • Focus on Harmony over Dominance: My auxiliary Extraverted Feeling (Fe) drives a desire for harmony and understanding. This might make me less outwardly assertive or competitive than some traditional masculine roles expect, leading others to perceive me as less “strong” or decisive in situations where a more dominant approach is expected.
   • “Soft-Spoken” Perception: While I can be firm in my convictions, my general demeanor might be perceived as reserved or quiet, which can be misread as lacking confidence or being a pushover by those who equate masculinity with overt displays of power.
2. Misunderstanding of My Cognitive Functions:
   • Introverted Intuition (Ni) is Abstract: My dominant Ni processes information internally through insights, patterns, and future implications. When I share these complex, often abstract, thoughts or visions, others (especially those who are more Sensing or Extraverted) might find them hard to grasp, dismiss them as “airy-fairy,” or accuse me of overthinking or being unrealistic. This can lead to frustration on both sides.
   • Fe Driven by Harmony, Not Always Self-Expression: My Fe aims to create harmony and meet the needs of others. This can sometimes lead me to mask my true feelings or hold back my own opinions if I perceive they might cause discord. When I do express a strong feeling or boundary (especially after prolonged suppression), it might come across as sudden or intense to others, who then criticize the “overreaction.”
   • Inferior Se (Extraverted Sensing) – Clumsiness or Lack of Practicality: My inferior Se can sometimes make me less adept at handling immediate, sensory details or engaging in certain physical activities with ease. This might lead to criticism about being impractical or “out of touch.”
3. My Private and Reserved Nature:
   • Difficulty Opening Up: I value authenticity but am also very private. It takes a long time and significant trust for me to fully open up about my struggles or vulnerabilities. Others might perceive my reservedness as aloofness, secrecy, or a lack of trust in them, leading them to feel shut out and perhaps critical.
   • “Invisible” or “Overlooked”: Because I often don’t seek the spotlight or overtly express my needs, I can be overlooked or feel invisible. When I am overlooked, others might criticize me for “not speaking up” or “not being assertive enough,” rather than recognizing that my way of being is simply different.
4. High Expectations (of Myself and Others):
   • Perfectionism: I am often my own harshest critic. My idealism can lead to very high expectations for myself and for how things “should be” in the world. When I don’t meet these self-imposed standards, or when others fall short of my ideals, it can lead to internal frustration that might subtly manifest as disappointment, which others can then perceive as judgment or criticism from me.
   • Idealism vs. Reality: My idealism often clashes with the messy realities of life. When I try to advocate for what I believe is right, others might criticize me for being naive, unrealistic, or overly sensitive to perceived injustices.

In essence, the criticism often arises from a fundamental misunderstanding of who I am and how my mind works. People might criticize what they don’t understand, or what doesn’t fit their preconceived notions of how a man “should” be. Instead of seeing my sensitivity as a strength for empathy, my intuition as a gift for insight, or my idealism as a drive for positive change, they might see them as weaknesses or quirks to be corrected.

True support for an INFJ man comes from patience, a willingness to listen deeply, and an appreciation for the unique depth, compassion, and vision I bring to the world.

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