The 2024 First day

“I’ve put my trust in you. I push that as far as I can go. For all this, there is only one thing you should know. I tried so hard and got so far but in the end, it doesn’t even matter”[i] from the song “In the End”, by Linkin Park.

Pushing forcefully can be avoided by letting the person vent out their need for domination & imposition when you are not there. For example, Windows 10 imposes the updates and maintenance in every system startup. You should turn the computer on, way before you want to work on it, then run away until his majesty Mr. Windows 10 finishes its updates and maintenance.

The future updates, after all the past ones are installed, can be postponed.

Is the Windows 10 team incredibly wise? Haha: We can postpone the outcomes of the future, but we can’t postpone our basic needs to maintain our bodies.

Being flexible and using intuition to adjust myself to what I need instead of changing the environment to what I want. If you need heat, you should go to a hot place instead of trying to heat the place where you are. Being in a hot place doesn’t cost you anything, but heating your current place costs. Of course, there are other factors to consider that influence the cost of your presence in the hot place. For instance, what new expenditures do you need to pay there to live? But considering the heating factor alone, the new place is winning.

Yesterday, I spent a whole afternoon from 2 pm to 7 pm on my laptop writing and then trying to set up reference software, Mendeley and Zotero, and how to use them. I felt the desire to mention the sources of my statement as it is a supposition that needs proof of likelihood. I went to sleep afterward to relieve the headaches caused by my exposition to the laptop screen, and then I got into an intermediate state of sleeping, half asleep, half-conscious. Unexpectedly, I started hearing my late mother’s voice, filled with frustration and intense emotions, urging me to compose myself. Do I need to keep monitoring you? You are not in a hotel” Then an indistinct mix of talking. I remember trying to understand what was said. After that, I sensed like my brain created this sentence with her agitated and blaming voice: “The one you saw yesterday, you can marry her today”.

I didn’t understand what this small interaction meant. I remember getting out of breath in my dream but didn’t want to leave because this was my mother’s voice that I hadn’t heard for years. However, I needed to wake myself up, to not suffocate. I don’t know if I let myself go out of breath, will I suffocate or not? Anyway, I started analyzing “her” words then I thought, is it because of the electric heater she said I’m not in a hotel?

It’s the first time I have kept it on for an entire afternoon, 5 hours after it was on from early morning. We get a high electricity bill easily because of it and because the bill amount ‘jumps’ quickly when we surpass a bill range to the higher one.

My interpretation of my mother’s words is just a hypothesis. I don’t see the link of her words to anything particular I was thinking about that day or the days before. Except for one sentence, a “Marrakchi band”, on the New Year show I went to, kept repeating:” A life of debauchee is better than the marriage of misery” and the audience kept repeating it even some mothers/women that wear conservative clothes and look conservative. The enthusiasm of the audience to repeat this sentence surprised me, so I thought about it a little there and when I came back home.