How an INFJ Man deals with Sexual attraction?

For an INFJ man, the biological sexual attraction created by the Masculinity and Femininity desiring each other is naturally present as the psyche can’t normally stop or interfere in it.

However, strong and repetitive sexual attraction is almost always intertwined with a deeper emotional, intellectual, and often spiritual connection. It’s rarely a purely physical impulse. My approach to sexual attraction is complex due to my dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) and auxiliary Extraverted Feeling (Fe), which prioritize depth, meaning, and authenticity.

Here’s how I typically deal with sexual attraction:

1. Deep Connection Precedes Physical Desire (Often Demisexual Tendencies):
   • For me, genuine sexual attraction is almost always a result of a strong emotional and intellectual connection, rather than the starting point. I often find myself with demisexual tendencies, meaning I need to form a deep emotional bond with someone before sexual desire truly ignites or becomes significant.
   • I usually quickly recognize INFP and ENFP Women within 4 seconds, so sometimes the sexual attraction is immediate because the emotional attraction has already been established through my past experiences with INFP and ENFP Girls and Women.
   • Surface-level physical appearance might capture my attention, but it doesn’t typically create lasting sexual attraction without the presence of a deeper connection. I’m drawn to someone’s mind, their values, their integrity, and their inner world.
2. Idealism and the “Soulmate” Concept:
   • My Ni drives a strong idealism, particularly in relationships. I often have an internal vision of a profound, “soulmate” connection. This can lead to a selective approach where I’m looking for a partner with whom I can achieve a rare level of intimacy—mental, emotional, and eventually, physical.
   • This idealism means I’m not typically interested in casual flings or one-night stands, as they lack the depth and meaning I crave.
3. Sensitivity and Attunement to Others:
   • My Fe makes me highly sensitive to the emotions and comfort of others. In intimate situations, it’s paramount that my partner feels safe, desired, and genuinely enjoys the experience. If I sense any discomfort, obligation, or lack of enthusiasm from them, my own desire will likely diminish or disappear.
   • I’m deeply concerned with mutual pleasure and connection during intimacy. It’s not satisfying for me unless my partner is truly engaged and happy.
4. Privacy and Vulnerability in Intimacy:
   • I am a very private individual, and it takes time and trust for me to truly open up. This extends to physical intimacy. The act of sharing my body is a profound act of vulnerability, reserved only for those with whom I feel a very secure and deep connection.
   • Physical intimacy for me is a way to express and deepen emotional bonds, not just a physical act. It becomes another language through which to connect with a partner on a profound level.
5. Inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) – The Push and Pull:
   • My inferior Se is my least developed function, which deals with raw sensory input and living in the present moment. This can create a bit of a paradox:
     • Occasional Sensory Drive: Sometimes, when stressed or overwhelmed by my internal world, I might feel a pull towards intense sensory experiences (including physical intimacy) as a way to “ground” myself or escape my head. However, if not balanced, this can lead to an unhealthy reliance.
     • Overwhelm from Raw Sensation: At other times, too much raw sensory input can be overwhelming. I might be sensitive to certain physical sensations or environments that others find enjoyable.
     • Desire for “Perfect” Experience: My Ni still tries to impose a sense of perfection even on sensory experiences. I might desire a highly specific, meaningful, and almost transcendent physical connection.
6. Communication is Key:
   • Despite my depth, I can sometimes struggle to articulate my precise needs and desires regarding intimacy, preferring to intuit or for my partner to intuit. However, when a partner communicates openly and honestly about their desires, it creates a safer space for me to reciprocate.
7. The Ethical and Value-Driven Dimension:
   • My strong internal moral compass means that sexual attraction is also filtered through my values. I would never intentionally pursue or engage in anything that feels manipulative, disrespectful, or violates ethical boundaries. Trustworthiness, consent, and mutual respect are non-negotiable foundations for any form of intimacy.
8. Focus on Mutual Growth and Transformation:
   • For me, true intimacy isn’t just about shared pleasure; it’s about shared growth. When I’m attracted to someone, part of that attraction includes the potential for our relationship, including its physical aspect, to facilitate personal and spiritual growth for both of us. It’s a space for vulnerability, deep learning about each other, and evolving together.

In essence, for an INFJ man, sexual attraction is a complex interplay of mind, heart, and body. It’s rarely superficial and is deeply tied to the quality and authenticity of the overall connection with a partner. I seek a profound, soul-level intimacy where physical attraction serves as an extension of a much deeper bond.

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